Shame & Fasting

Confession: I’ve got a little PTSD since my longer fast. While I was on a weekly rhythm of fasting 30+ hours a week before my attempted 7-day fast; since that longer fast, I haven’t gone back to that weekly rhythm. Granted, it’s only been a couple of weeks of recovery, but I wanted to confess here that I’m battling thoughts of shame. In case you’ve previously been on a fasting journey and have felt shame for not jumping back into a regular rhythm after a prolonged break, me too.

I’ve had friends tell me that I’m a person that’s more in tune with my body than anyone else they know, so when I talk about intuitive eating or fasting, I don’t say that lightly. I am very aware that I gave many of my body systems a chance to completely rest while fasting, and I’m aware that waking those systems back up so that they are fully functionally again has been a process—a process that’s gone much much much slower than I anticipated. There’s certainly a lot of room for me to show myself grace in this situation, and that doesn’t exclude me from feeling shame that I haven’t jumped back in.

The reason I’m feeling pressure to start my weekly rhythm again is because of the war breaking out in Israel. I am a firm believer in the power of fasting to amply my prayers:

Is not this the fast that I choose:
    to loose the bonds of wickedness,
    to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
    and to break every yoke? (Isaiah 58:6 ESV)

So here I sit managing the tension between listening to my body and giving it sufficient time to finish healing, and my heart’s desire to jump back into fasting again and pray for truth and justice to prevail in Israel. I realize I can pray without fasting, yet I feel the urgency to get my soul—my whole physical being—in on the prayers. Without fasting, it’s easy for me to keep my prayers peripheral and just throw up some words toward heaven asking God to protect those innocent babes and His chosen people. I also know that without engaging my whole physical being by attaching it to fasting, I can just as quickly dismiss those prayers and refill my thought life with comfort and distractions.

So while I believe my body will benefit from a longer season of replenishment; I can’t shake the urgency of this moment to couple my prayers with fasting. I’d love to hear from you now. What are your thoughts, dear reader? Where do you draw the lines? 💛